To begin my journey, i need to take you right back to 1981. A time when smoking still seemed acceptable, cannabis use was rife and alcohol use amongst teenagers was on the increase. I was a normal healthy teenager from a good Christian family, neither my parents or brothers smoked and both my (elder) brothers were good hard working scholars. I was a 'normal' teenager, if one can truly define the word 'normal' that is. I attended school regularly, was fit and healthy, a good and successful athlete in track events and a keen footballer. i had a wide circle of friends and mixed with people of all ages and social class, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
However, soon after moving to high school, my social circle changed and I found myself hanging out with older teenagers as I rightly or wrongly began to find my peers of similar age were not maturing at the rate I was. At least that was my perception at the time, today my opinion on that subject has dramatically changed.
During my 13th year i discovered cigarettes and alcohol and began drinking with friends on the streets and even attended pubs and night clubs. We all looked the same, Doc-Martin boots, bleached jeans, pilot jackets and skinhead haircuts (a few friends had mo-hawks or spiky styles). The pubs and clubs didnt seem concerned with age restriction as long as you spent money.
This pattern continued throughout my high school years, every weekend out on the town with 'friends'. The only real detrimental affect was that I grew rather lazy with my school revision and my results reflected that. On leaving school I had several jobs, fathered a child, married and divorced by 19 years of age. During that period alcohol wasnt an issue as finances dictated otherwise.
Aged 19 I moved from my hometown in Leeds to North Wales and worked for a few years in direct sales. Work and my circle of friends were both heavily alcohol orientated and so my drinking continued, again at this point still not affecting my health or my work.
A couple of years after moving i met someone and settled down, started a family and fathered three wonderful children. During this time I still drank but only socially, either at the local pub or British Legion Club or perhaps a dvd night with a friend. During this time I attended University and completed the diploma in nursing and healthcare course and became a registered nurse. I progressed quickly through the ranks, completing other courses and qualifications and thoroughly enjoyed my work, eventually attaining the position of clinical site manager some 8 years ago.
Around the same time my marriage ended, this was my choice however, the marital breakup signaled a significant increase in alcohol consumption and I had some time off with stress, spending most of that time drinking.
Since then my relationship with my children suffered and there were times when my ex wife wouldn't let me see them due to my drinking (with hindsight she was right). However my work didnt suffer and I continued to do well at work and was even interviewed for more senior positions.
We now arrive at 2009. It is important at this point to point out that up until 2009 I had only ever drank beer, lager and the occasional short. However during this year I discovered wine and found myself drinking it in similar volumes as one would drink beer. As a consequence my sickness record was less than exemplary during this year.
Then in December 2009 things really came to a head. Foloowing a traumatic event during my nightshift (no fault of my own or the hospitals) I started an extended period of annual leave. Unfortunately I had recently experienced a relationship breakup, having given up my rented house and was staying in hospital accommodation (an 10 x 8 single room with no tv or company to speak of. It was at this time I discovered Vodka the Devils drink!!
During a particularly drunken episode (I had become very depressed, angry and resentful in my drink) I regretfully posted a totally inappropriate rant on facebook pertaining to my employers and understandably this became the subject of a disciplinary hearing. My depression and stress levels increased and so did my consumption of alcohol to a point where I was consuming at least a litre of vodka daily. I made several attempts to return to work in a different department (this was protocol for staff under disciplinary) but failed each time due to continued alcohol use. The investigation was dragged out until May 2011 when I was finally dismissed. The matter was reported to the Nursing council and their investigation is still ongoing (April 2012).
Now for the nitty-gritty of my alcohol misuse/abuse. Initially I drank to forget, to block out my problems, social isolation, guilt, embarrassment, resentment, anger to name but a few! However this progressed to drinking to relieve the pain of alcohol withdrawl. I attended AA for quite a while but on reflection continued to drink during that period. I also attended various counseling services but nothing seemed to stop me drinking. Perhaps i wasnt ready???
During this period I got in touch with an old school friend and childhood sweetheart. We talked constantly and helped each other with our various problems and became very close. Eventually after a long period of friendship and goodness knows how much we spent on virgin mobile, we formed a relationship which fortunately to this day remains strong. However...........
Despite finding happiness i still continued, intermittently to have drink problems. i would cope well for a while and then start to stress, either about finances or perhaps worrying about the outcome of the ongoing nursing council investigation and concerns regarding my parents whom during this time I had helped to find a nursing home place and had to support them in many ways including placing their property on the market and many other things.
Looking after mum and dad involved trips to Wales and each time I went to wales on my own, i drank. Back at home in Leeds with my partner, i continued trying unsuccessfully to control my drinking and of course failed abysmally.
Eventually, 6 weeks ago i had too much to drink and I am told i was very verbally abusive to my partner. I am a perfect gentleman when sober, hard working and true, but in alcohol I say inappropriate things, hide alcohol, pretend am not drinking, when clearly everyone knew i was and generally undergo a personality change. This proved too much for my partner and her family and as such I went back to Wales to stay in ,my Mum and Dads as yet unsold house. After a week I realised that I couldn't continue alone as I was still drinking. My partner continued to support me but just couldn't have me in the house whilst i still drank. This proved to be my rock bottom, I had everything in the world I wanted with my partner but king alcohol was determined to take that away from me along with my health and perhaps had I continued, my life!
Anyway, something inside me told me what to do. At the time I was unclear what was telling me or why, but I knew I had to act. A few weeks earlier, my eldest brother had offered to let me come and stay with him and his family in order to recover from alcohol and so I phoned him and a few days later found myself in Scarborough with him and his wonderful family.
My recovery has involved lots of prayer, weekly attendance at church and the support of my family and my partner, whom I could not have began to recover without. This friday will be 5 weeks without alcohol, in truth the longest time I've gone without drink in 30 years. I am walking several miles, a few times a week, eating very well and feel healthier and fitter than i have for a very long time. My relationship with my partner has greatly improved, we talk constantly and have visited each other a few times since my arrival at Scarborough. I attribute my beginning on the road to recovery to many things. Firstly finding the true desire to want to get better and also in no particular order, my partners belief in me, my family's none-judgemental support and a significant improvement in my relationship with God and desire to live a more Christian life.
I hope my story may be of some inspiration to others and will keep you posted as to my progress. Remember, you cant get drunk if you dont take the first drink. Going through alcohol withdrawal is a terribly painful thing - nightmares, hallucinations, paranoia, sweating, tremors or even fitting and insomnia to name but a few. The severe part of this withdrawl can pass within a week if you eat plenty and drink plenty of water, take vitamin B complex and most importantly abstain. The withdrawls however can come and go in less severity for many weeks. I found fresh air and exercise greatly helped along with prayer and self belief. Good luck to anyone out there who wishes to recover from addiction, be it drugs, alcohol, or anything else. Help is out there you just have to want it enough. I have included a few links you may feel useful. All the best
Colin T.
Alcoholics Anonymous
Narcotics Anonymous
King James Bible online
